I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
