3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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