The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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