it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
