Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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