Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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