PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
