how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Sorry about my life...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
