I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
