Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
