Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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