I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
They have beer where we have blood.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
