Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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