in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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