Moan for me like Helen Keller
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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