I wanna bring you to show and tell
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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