i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My life is pants optional.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
