College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
