Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
