But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
