life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
