It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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