unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
