I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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