I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
