Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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