they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
