Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
