Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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