I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
