R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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