i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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