Taylor Swift is so right about you.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
