FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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