I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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