You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
