we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Someone shattered a urinal.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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