I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
