even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Randomize
