Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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