Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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