We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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