dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I cut my penus on the lid.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
