I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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