alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
