I am in a vortex of obligation.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
