I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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