we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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