what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
