Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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