ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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